I need to feel wanted. I know it’s shameful…but not really. As women, we’ve taught ourselves that it is not okay to admit when we need attention, or affection, or validation. Instead we keep these thoughts and feelings to ourselves, and pretend to live by the mantra of being strong independent women who can make it all happen for ourselves.
Here’s the thing love. While we can ABSOLUTELY live strong independent lives and bring ourselves all the love and happiness we could ever ask for, we can’t actually do that unless we become completely transparent within ourselves. That means we have to be honest with ourselves when we feel weak or inadequate, insecure or lacking in love. We have to release the judgment that we become inferior by feeling the way we feel.
When we do not acknowledge our true feelings, we become the thing we fear most. We become everything we’ve tried so hard to hide from the world, and that essence of strength will become weaker and weaker.
When I was in college, I used to refer to myself as a “tomboy with girly-girl tendencies.” I liked to be girly—wear cute bedazzled clothes, wear makeup, and romanticize my life with my dream man—but to the rest of the world I was a thick-skinned tough girl that wouldn’t take shit from anyone. I was ashamed to admit that I desired the affections of another person, or that I needed to feel wanted, because that meant that I could get hurt, or worse, I was incapable of actually achieving it.
Instead, I convinced myself that I could just have it all in my own way. I’d walk the talk, but I wasn’t actually buying into what I was saying. It was all bullshit because after all this talking and convincing other people of being so strong and independent, I wasn’t feeling it. Deep down, I still needed to be loved, and I still needed to be wanted by a true life partner.
One day, I threw my hands up, let out a big cry, and actually declared out loud that this was what I wanted. Rather than avoiding my desires and making excuses for why they were not possible, I decided to work with them to really see what was beneath it all. And that’s when everything changed.
Your voice is your power.
I found that my desire to be wanted was attached to my desire to feel important. But feeling important actually had nothing to do with my love life— my love life was a simply opportunity to try to fill the void.
I stopped searching for how to feel wanted, and focused on how I can feel important. For me, feeling important had a lot to do with making my place in the world—having a purpose to help others and leave my mark in some way. I began to focus deeply on my coaching practice, leading events and speaking to as many women as I could to inspire them and lead them toward their path to passion. This was my missing link.
When I let go of the need to have a romantic partner fill the void, and followed my independent path to my desire, this opened the pathway to attract a person that I was truly seeking in the first place—someone who loves me, wants me, and respects me as a true life partner.
So now I turn to you. Do you find yourself going through day-to-day life with that voice in the back of your mind telling you things should be different? Do you yearn for a life with a partner that feels unreachable? Do you desire to be wanted, loved, cherished, and respected for who you are?
Fear no more. You have a clear-cut path to the life you’ve always wanted. It is right there, all laid out in your mind and heart. Start with your voice. Use it and don’t be afraid to ask for what you want. Learn to understand it–Why do you want what you want? (Say it out loud because your needs are valid.) What is it costing you to not have your needs met? What is it you are truly searching for? Dig deep and put in the work. Get to the root of why you desire this life. From there, you can create opportunity. From there you can give your voice true power. From there you will find love, and from only there you will have all that you desire.