I just got back from a week-long vacation in Hawaii with my man and let me tell you how ah-mazing it was to break away. I don’t just mean getting away from the hustle and bustle of life (although that was amazing too). I mean fully disconnecting from the external distractions so that I could be fully present with my partner.
My man and I have been together for about four years, and even though we are both highly self-aware people, it is still so easy for us to distract and disconnect. You might think it’s because we’ve grown to be so comfortable with one another, and to some extent, that may be true. But comfort ability really derives from one’s indulgence in self-expression, self-acceptance, and human connection. So, with that in mind, comfort ability perpetuates MORE connection. Our Achilles heel is actually quite obvious (as almost everyone on the planet has probably experienced this at one point in time)—our technology.
We live in a world where the primary form of communication is technology; this is common knowledge. Like in anything, there are pluses and minuses to the shift in social climate, especially when it comes to dating and relationships. For example, online dating allows a woman to grow her dating pool exponentially, allowing her to not only meet more potential matches, but the anonymity of it all can ignite her confidence to fully express who she is. I talk about this in my eDate Toolkit, which you can grab for FREE here.
While connection can be initiated online, it can become counterproductive if used too much. True connection thrives through face-to-face connection. Does that mean long distance couples cannot work? Absolutely not! In some cases, it can even thrive more so than couples that live together. (My man and I are currently long distance, so trust me on this!)
If you are seeing someone long distance, utilize technology, but be sure to include face-to-face interaction as best as you can (Facetime, or visit in person). If you find yourself connecting to a potential match locally, again, get offline as quickly as possible and start building your connection in person. Physical connection is just as important as emotional and spiritual. When you meet face-to-face, allow yourself to be present so you can build off the connection you’ve established online.
Whether you are currently in a relationship, just dating, or single, mindfulness and presence in the moment is essential to building human connection. The constant checking of text messages, emails, and social media notifications not only interrupts the “in the moment” social interactions, but also perpetuates the need for the user to seek instant gratification from someone else, other than their partner standing right in front of them. This also propels the message to the person we are with that they are not as important as whomever or whatever they are paying attention to on the screen.
It is a vicious cycle of disconnection, not only from the world around us, but our internal world that tells us we, as individuals and couples, are good enough as is. So how do we stop the cycle when our world is so integrated to technology? We don’t, because that would be ludicrous, and we don’t live in the Stone Age. We learn to integrate mindfulness.
I highly encourage taking a week-long getaway to be in bliss with your bae, but as that is not always possible for everyone, try taking a small amount of time each day for yourself. For 20 minutes – 1 hour, drop what you’re doing—your work, your to-do’s, your computers, phones, iPad, iPod, etc.—go outside, and “Earth yourself”. Whether it is taking off your shoes to feel the grass between your toes or sitting on a bench to take in the fresh air, take this time to simply breathe and observe everything around you. Observe your senses, without overthinking. Simply, take in life around you, and register how this makes you feel.
This is your hard-earned time where you get to prioritize YOU. This is your moment to be one with yourself, to find peace and tranquility, and to ultimately open yourself to connect with your partner.
Forever love awaits you, my dear. It’s just on the other side of the screen.
Forever in your corner,
P.S. I know breaking away from the hustle and bustle can be hard, and I know finding love can feel even harder. I’m here to support you. If you’re ready to finally create that phenomenal, forever kind of love, schedule your FREE consultation here, and lets get to work!